It seems like most divorced people you know have a horror story. Somehow, along the way, no matter how hard they tried, things got nasty and bitter. Now, you and your spouse are facing a separation with fear that yours will go exactly the same way. However, this is not always the case. For most people, when separating, they stop communicating. From there, tensions begin to rise, you speak through lawyers, and the bad blood ensues. But, it’s important to understand that it doesn’t have to be this way. Having a healthy separation is very possible, but only if the both of you are willing to put in the effort to make it that way. A divorce is difficult (and expensive) enough without added vendetta’s, anger, and unreasonable requests.
Healthy Separation: Is it Possible? Absolutely!
First off, you need to start treating your spouse like a business partner the second you decide to seek legal separation. Be courteous, polite, answer calls, and don’t bad mouth your spouse. Especially to your children and mutual friends. With those members in particular, your ill words will likely make it back to the other, and then ensues all that bad blood we discussed.
Work towards a resolution together, and save money in the process
The most important thing to remember is this: the more you handle together, the less money you’ll spend. By making decisions regarding assets, divorce terms, alimony, and the like— you’ll avoid costly time in court battling one another. While you have to be truly collaborative to do so, if you can, you’ll save yourself a lot of trouble and money in the long run.
Be open! When it comes to getting divorced, there are plenty of routes that you can take towards a healthy separation. So, run through them! Just because one road worked for a friend of yours, doesn’t mean that it’s your path to success. Every marriage, and divorce, will be different than the last. If you’re considering a few different routes, such as collaborative, mediated, or litigated— play them all out together. Use the one you’re most sold on as a pair, and give it a little test run. Walk through the steps together, and then make a final decision.
Once you’ve decided what route to take, hire the appropriate professionals
Hire a mediator, individual attorneys, family counselors, family attorneys— whatever you need. While your divorce is a collaboration between the both of you, hiring your own attorney is just that extra step to make sure you’re not getting the short end of the stick in some way.
Understand that you will not always agree
While you and your to-be former spouse have been great counterparts in this journey to divorce, there will inevitably be times when you don’t agree. Disagreements are completely normal. You must have to capacity to reach a resolution together. Believe us, when you reach that ending by working together, saving each other money, and respecting one another— you’ll be proud of your end result.